Saturday, August 21, 2010

summer search

i've done a lot of soul searching this summer. not in as creative or as adventurous ways as i've hoped... but more in the "not what to do" sort of way. here's one of those "honest" things i promised i'd start doing with this blog. i'm gritting my teeth as i hit submit.

important things i need to remember:

1) just be yourself. my tastes are changing & sometimes i feel bad about that. i also spend way too much time worrying about having an "image" & what the right way to do things are. you can be easily mislead when you spend too much time watching tv, reading blogs (particularly consumer blogs) & not using enough creative thinking for yourself. it's great to find inspiration from others, giving & taking is how we interact in this world. but credit needs to be given to yourself, we are each unique & have something to offer. enjoy being yourself, trusting your instincts, creating things that are uniquely you, even if they don't fit neatly into a category or reflect someone you admire. it's okay. give, take & shake it up.

2) do what matters. my friend dave sent me a video the other night that has made me think a bit. you can watch it at it's a cute, quirky short film (13 mins) on what two people decide to do with only 4 hours left to live. it really made me pause & ponder for a moment, what is really worth it? what parts of my life are being spent how they should, & how can i change what isn't for the better. it's funny because has been saying this for years, but it took this video for the message to really sink in. life is short, do what makes you happy.

3) face fears. i was hoping to expand my world over these past few monts, but rather, i have spent a lot of time this summer doing what's comfortable. i think one of the best ways to grow as a person is to force yourself to do things that are normally uncomfortable or scary. it feels good to conquer these things and evolve into a better person. i've been avoid responsibility. in order to move on in this journey, i need to pick up some slack, & starting taking better care of "my shit." i'm scared of growing up, but growing up should be an exciting adventure. "even bad tasting ramen can be kind of fun."

4) interact. i haven't done much to go out of my way to be social. well... that's not true, i interact with people at my bellydance class, at the bar my friends gather at on monday & thursday nights, & at the summer ceramics class. i just feel like i haven't taken much effort to spend one-on-one time with friends i really appreciate. i think a part of it is fear. when around lots of people you are comfortable with, it's easier for conversation to remain fresh. one-on-one conversation can become intimate & intimidating. relationships with people can be extremely rewarding if you give them the chance. otherwise life will be dull & lonely.

5) be in the moment. gotta stop waiting, planning. "now's not good," "i'll start tomorrow," "i already messed this up." life is a series of moments. if we keep pushing them off or ignoring them, they will pass on by. it's time to learn to be more present, and enjoy things as they happen. can't plan for everything, can't let bad things ruin whole events. flow with the moment, life is happening right now, not tomorrow, not yesterday. RIGHT NOW.

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